


She used to be mine

by xsticknoodlesx



Series: Reader Inserts [13]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson, It's Vaguely Described Sex, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Character Death, Pregnancy, Reader-Insert, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xsticknoodlesx/pseuds/xsticknoodlesx
Summary: You get closer and closer to Levi until the night where he visits you in your rooms, both of you wanting comfort before an expedition. Never had you expected to get pregnant from that night but it happened and you quickly start to plan out what to do. But unfortunately, things don't go as planned.Set to and inspired by "She used to be mine" by Sara Bareilles, from the musical Waitress.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Series: Reader Inserts [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1417174
Kudos: 115





	She used to be mine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is my first reader insert for AOT but after watching it and listening to this song, this idea just came to me. A little warning about the sex scene: it's not very graphic, there is no talking but it is mentioned and described but not too detailed.
> 
> I hope you guys like this! Enjoy ^^

_It’s not simple to say_

You were no longer the woman you used to be before the breach of wall Maria.

You felt tears gather in your eyes as you rode through the streets you used to roam before the breach of wall Maria. The houses, although partially destroyed, still held that charm they had when you were a young girl, running through the streets, playing hide and seek with your friends – most of them had passed when the titans breached the wall.

Before anyone could see your tears, you quickly wiped them away and steeled your look, not wanting anyone to see how much this affected you. And as you passed your childhood home, the place you were born, the place you were raised and the place where you saw your parents for the last time, you looked away, pretending to have to ask Hanji a question. You couldn’t bear to look at the house, couldn’t bear to see the empty shell of your childhood standing before you.

_That most days I don’t recognize me  
That these shoes and this apron  
That place and its patrons  
Have taken more than I gave them_

Rounding the corner, you came face to face with your parent’s bakery, the place you had worked in from your early youth on, the place you had met your best friend in, the place that was now in ruins. This time you couldn’t quite hide the tears in your eyes quickly enough because your captain noticed them.

“Are you alright?”

You turned to Levi and nodded quickly. “Yes, it’s nothing important.”

“You’re crying. It must be important.” He insisted.

“I used to live here before the breach of wall Maria. I was born a few streets down, my parents raised me in these streets, I used to roam them as a child and that house right there was our bakery. From when I was around eleven I worked there up until I joined the military a few years later.” You explained softly.

Levi looked at you for a second, contemplating what to say to make you feel better but as he saw the glint in your eyes as you recounted your childhood he knew exactly what to do. “This looks like a place children would love to grow up in. Did you ever get lost in these streets when you were playing?”

“Yes, several times. One time our neighbours had to help find me.” You chuckled. “My mother was so angry but only because she was worried.”

“Were you close to your parents?”

“Yes, very much so. I had no siblings, so I was the only child they raised and they wanted to do it right.” You explained with a smile. “I hope I’m making them proud now.”

“I have gotten to know you over the time we worked together and I can assure you they raised you right. And they would be so proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

_It’s not easy to know  
I’m not anything like I used to be  
Although it’s true  
I was never attention’s sweet centre  
I still remember that girl_

The new recruits laughing in the dining hall brought a smile to your face. Their smiles and laughter reminded you of the way you used to smile with your friends. All those years ago when you could have never expected what would happen to them. Some of them died during the fall of wall Maria, others died when after joining the Survey Corps they tried to save civilians. None of them had survived. And although you had friends in the crops, although you spent a lot of time laughing with Hanji, talking to Levi or smiling with Petra, they weren’t your old friends and they would never be.

You only tore your face away from the recruits when Levi sat down opposite you on the table, obscuring your view of them. Your eyes met his and you gave him a small, thankful smile for ripping your from those dark thoughts.

“Bad thoughts?”

“Yes.” You admitted. “I thought of my old friends.”

“Do you miss them a lot?”

“Yes, I do. I grew up with them, they taught me so much and I can never repay them. I couldn’t even protect them.”

“I know how you feel.” Levi admitted quietly. “Have I ever told you of Farlan and Isabel?”

“I don’t believe you have. They are no longer with us, are they?”

He shook his head and quietly began to tell you their story, keeping his voice down although he really didn’t have to given all the noise in the dining hall. You listened intently, barely able to imagine the horror he must have felt when he saw their dead bodies. Slowly and with the utmost care, you reached out to him, putting your hand onto his and when he looked up, you gave him a comforting smile, promising him to never leave his side. You were unsure whether or not this was what he’d needed to hear but when he smiled thankfully, so did you.

_She’s imperfect but she tries  
She is good but she lies_

“I cannot believe you would lie to me.” 

You flinched as Levi raised his voice, not really able to leave due to the medical personal still stitching up your arm. “I’m sorry.”

“I asked you time and time again whether or not you were injured and you insisted that you were fine!” He yelled, his voice rising in volume by the minute. 

“Levi, I’m sorry, really. I won’t lie to you again, I swear.”

“You said you were fine and you weren’t!” He hissed, voice lowering. “She said she was fine but she wasn’t.”

Your eyes narrowed at that and you sat up, quickly thanking the doctor as you saw he was done and ushering him away. Once he had closed the curtain around your bed, you inched backwards, patting the pace by your legs. Levi looked at you for a second and then sat down.

“Who wasn’t fine, Levi?”

“My mother.”

You swallowed a little. He had told you about her before, about how wonderful she was despite what little they had. And how she eventually died, leaving him alone until Kenny found him. 

“When she first started feeling unwell, she started to lie to me. Of course, she did because I was only a little boy and she didn’t mean to worry me. She must have been sure that she would be fine in a matter of time.” He explained quietly. “But she got worse and worse, always insisting that she was fine, always laughing with me, always caring for me and never for herself.”

“Levi, her death was not your fault. She loved you and wanted to care for you like any good mother would.”

“I know that.” He sighed. “Now I understand that she must have been sick in the weeks leading up to her death but as a child, I didn’t. She got weaker and weaker but she insisted she was fine, so I believed her. When she passed, it came almost out of nowhere and I was not prepared for it.”

You looked at him for a few seconds before inching closer, embracing him. He didn’t hug you back but he didn’t need to. As Levi leaned into your embrace ever so slightly, you began to gently stroke his arm.

“I’m sorry I lied about my well-being. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you.”

_She is hard on herself  
She is broken and won’t ask for help_

“Are we friends, (Y/N)?”

You looked up in confusion, wiping the tears from your eyes. “Yes, of course.”

“Then why won’t you tell me what is ailing you?” Levi asked as he sat down on your desk. “If we are friends, should we not be honest with each other?”

“Today’s my father’s birthday.” You said almost too quietly for Levi to hear.

“I didn’t know.”

“I never told you.”

“Did you celebrate it when he was alive?” Levi asked gently, leaning forward to examine your face. “Your family owned a bakery, surely you must have had a grant birthday cake for him every year.”

You chuckled a little. “We did. The first time I volunteered to bake it, I was still new to baking big cakes and it collapsed as I set it down in front of him.”

“Oh no.” Levi gave a small laugh. “But it was probably still good, right?”

“Yes, we still ate it and had a grand time but at the moment it was so funny because I was talking about how proud I was of the cake, everyone was singing him a song, my mother was congratulating me on it and once I set it down, it collapsed.”

“Did you learn from your mistakes and make him a better cake the next year?”

“Yes.” You chuckled softly and smiled up at him. “Thank you for making me laugh.”

“It’s what friends do, isn’t it?”

_She is messy but she’s kind  
She is lonely most of the time  
She is all of this mixed up  
And baked in a beautiful pie  
She is gone but she used to be mine_

You couldn’t help but laugh as you saw Levi’s face once he came into the kitchen. Hanji froze as she saw him and quickly excused herself to get a mop. Levi yelled after her to better bring a whole bunch of them before looking back at you.

“What happened to the kitchen?”

“I wanted to bake you a cake for your birthday. You know, since I worked in a bakery I thought who better to make the cake than me.” You had to laugh again as you looked at the floor. “Hanji dropped the flour and when I tried to catch the bag I tripped and smacked it, completely bathing everything in it.”

“You’re a mess.”

“But I mean well.”

“You do. But you’re still a mess.”

“That might be true but you still love me.” You joked.

An expression you couldn’t read crossed his face but you smiled as he got closer, thinking he was perhaps annoyed by the mess. When he motioned for you to come closer so he wouldn’t have step in all the flour you chuckled.

“Don’t worry, we will clean it all up. You won’t have to clean this up, trust me. It’ll be neat and clean in no time.”

“Come here.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“Just get over here.”

You nodded and obliged, expecting him to yell at you but to your surprise he pulled you closer to him and press his lips to yours. Your eyes went wide but as you watched his close, you quickly followed along and kissing him back. The kiss lasted only a few seconds but when you parted, you stayed close to him, waiting to see if he would say anything.

“You’re right, I do love you.” 

Your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him. The man you had befriended, adored and confided in, loved you. Butterflies took flight in your stomach, a variety of emotions exploded inside of you and you finally felt light again. A smile tore your face as you realised you wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore.

“I love you, too.”

“Woah.”

Both of you turned to find Hanji in the door, looking a little taken aback, holding a few mops and a bucket of water. She eyed the two of you before smirking.

“How long have you been standing there, watching us like a stalker, four-eyes?”

Hanji just smirked at Levi, his insults falling flat as she chuckled at your predicament. “Well, shorty, long enough to hear your declarations of love.”

“Are you just going to stand there?” You mumbled out awkwardly.

“I’m not up for joining if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh, that’s gross! Don’t be like that!” You exclaimed in embarrassment. “Was there anything you wanted from us or can you leave us alone?”

Hanji held up the mops. “In case you’ve forgotten, the kitchen as well as the two of us are still covered in flour.”

“Oh.”

_It’s not what I asked for  
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door  
And carves out a person  
And makes you believe it’s all true_

Levi was what you had asked for or expected but he was everything you needed. The two of you were so close, confiding in each other and it made you believe that maybe the world was not so horrible, after all. If two people could love each other so much then the world must still hold some wonders. 

And he comforted you whenever you needed it. You did the same for him. When his mother’s birthday came, you held him and listened to his stories of her without saying a word for hours. When your mother’s birthday passed, he held you as you cried in pain and anger, cursing the titans and how unfair the world could be. 

The night before you were due to embark on another missing into the territory of wall Maria to secure small bases for the Survey Corps, you were anxious. Fears and doubts filled your mind and you paced your room until you heard the door open. You didn’t need to turn to know that Levi was slipping into the room, locking the door behind him. You didn’t need to look to see that he was just as worried as you were.

But the two of you could find comfort in one another and that made you happy. And as he joined you in bed, kissed you, held you and moved in your with so much care and devotion, you felt your worries melting away if only for a few moments. You cried out his name as you reached your climax, clinging to his body like a lifeline, basking in his light and the comfort seeping from him. When he finished he buried his face at your neck, inhaling your scent, savouring it before you embarked the next day.

_And now I’ve got you  
And you’re not what I asked for  
If I’m honest I know I would give it all back  
For a chance to start over  
And rewrite an ending or two  
For the girl that I knew_

It was over three months later that you finally came to terms with the fact that you were pregnant. And as you stood in front of the mirror watching your abdomen and the small bulge there, you felt fear rise in your. Never had you wanted this to happen, not while you were with the Survey Corps, not with someone you had been dating for mere months at most, not while wall Maria was still titan territory and there was a real danger of wall Rose being breached, too. 

The thought of having a child with Levi, of raising it together wasn’t what terrified you. It was the fact that the situation into which the baby would be born was so far from ideal, so far from perfect. No matter how naïve it might have been but you had often imagined having a family with Levi, a child or two, but only in a safe world where you could live in a small house and raise them in peace.

Nonetheless, you weren’t afraid to tell him. You knew that his reaction may not be too positive but together you would find a solutions. Perhaps there was a distant family member to give the child to until you could raise it – you wondered whether or not your aunt would take the baby in until you had claimed wall Maria back and were able to raise it. Levi and you confided in each other, loved one another and you were sure he would be supportive.

_Who’ll be reckless just enough  
Who’ll get hurt  
But who learns how to toughen up when she’s bruised  
And gets used by a man who can’t love_

“I’m pregnant.”

Perhaps saying it straight out as soon as you had walked into the room was not your best call but you had to tell Levi eventually. He froze and looked up from his paperwork to stare at you in disbelief.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Why would I joke about something like that?” You hissed, getting irritated by his reaction. “Levi, I’m serious.”

He quickly rose at that, coming closer to you. “We can’t have a baby.”

“I-I am aware that this is a bad time for having a baby but it happened and now we have to deal with this- well- with this.”

“How will we? This is no place for a child and no world for it to safely grow up in.” Levi said sternly. “(Y/N), you must know that.”

“I cannot believe this.” You hissed. “You dare make me out to be naïve and you dare be so condescending when this is as much your fault as it is mine. And I am aware of how dangerous this world is but a lot of people have children and those children grow up to live a good life.”

“That was before we lost Wall Maria.”

“But we will regain it.”

“And what if not? Will we be able to feed all the people here? How can we put another human being into this world where others are already so poor and miserable? I have seen children live in poverty all my life. I have lived in poverty all my life, wondering where my next meal would come from, wondering how I’d survive.”

“So what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know.” Levi sighed. “We cannot have a child.”

“But I will have this child and I will raise it, no matter what you think. Perhaps I need to give it to my aunt to care for while I work here but I will be around and I will raise it.” You said in determination, all your uncertainty washed away by the terrible feeling overcoming you at even thinking about getting rid of the child for more than a second. “Levi, I will have this child.”

He stared at you as if thinking deeply, not saying anything. You could see tears glimmering in his eyes before he quickly blinked them away. And as you waited for an answer that never came, you felt yourself growing more and more irritated by his aversion to having a child and his silence.

“You know what, Levi? Feel free to not father this child.” You said eventually. “I mean it and I will not hold it against you. It is my choice to keep it so you should have a choice, as well. You- you don’t want this child and I can tell. But when you’ve had the suspicions of being pregnant for weeks, when you are the one carrying the child you change. I am a mother and I want to be a mother.”

Before he even had the chance to answer, you had left already, tears streaming down your face. It didn’t matter whether or not he wanted to help you. You would be a good mother to the child, even if your aunt would have to help you, even if you had to work with the Survey Corps, even if there were a lot of things stacked against you.

_And then she’ll get stuck and be scared  
Of the life that’s inside her  
Getting stronger each day_

The only other person who knew about the baby was Hanji because she was your friend and had been for years. You had told her about it the night Levi and you had fought about whether or not t keep it. But she had promised you that you’d be fine and so would the baby, that she’d help you track down your aunt so the baby could grow up somewhere safe until you could get it, until you had reclaimed Wall Maria.

It was another night of looking through files, trying to locate your aunt when Hanji heard you gasp in shock. She looked up to find you holding your lightly distended belly which you could still hide under your clothes – you just had to hide it long enough to find your aunt so you could present the higher-ups with a solution when you finally told them about your pregnancy.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She looked ready to jump up and help you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” You whispered, voice thick with tears. “I felt it move.”

“Already? You can feel it already?”

“As the one carrying the child you can feel it moving early on. But you can’t feel it from the outside yet, so don’t get your hopes up about feeling my belly to see if it kicks. It just moved a little, no kicking or anything.”

As Hanji eyed you, talking about what she had recently learned about pregnancy, you swallowed thickly. There was really a baby in there, moving around and very much alive, growing stronger each day. How would you care for it on your own? How would everyone react to the news? Would they react better than Levi? Or worse? There were so many question sand worries swirling around in your head that it made it hard for you to even look forward to having this baby.

“Will you let me feel the baby once I’ll be able to?”

You looked up at Hanji and a small smile graced your lips. You weren’t alone, no matter if the father wanted to be in the life of the baby, no matter what was going to happen, no matter what was already going on. With your friends, you would be able to get through this.

You just had to fight a little.

_‘Til it finally reminds her  
To fight just a little_

Perhaps going on an expedition while already almost four months pregnant was not the best idea but you still hadn’t found your aunt and couldn’t really tell anyone about the baby, yet. Your plan was to find your aunt, give her the baby to raise and once you had reclaimed wall Maria to get back to your baby, confident that you’d have enough food and resources for it. Then you’d be able to raise it and eventually get back to work. It was the perfect plan, only reliant on the fact that you needed to find your aunt first.

But until you had found your aunt, you’d have to keep the pregnancy a secret because without a solution to it, presenting the problem to Erwin would only cause more trouble. Yet, to keep it a secret you couldn’t exactly not go on the expedition because that would have evoked questions.

So you went along on the expedition, ignoring Hanji’s constant inquiring about how you were doing and whether or not this was a good idea. And it wasn’t just Hanji that seemed concerned – Levi seemed to feel the same.

When he had first seen you arrive on the morning of the expedition he had tried to talk to you but Erwin had been quicker, announcing their departure. From that moment on he couldn’t break formation and because you were a few horses over, the two of you couldn’t converse.

You would get through this expedition and further humanity’s goal of reclaiming wall Maria so that the hope of raising your child in a safe and resourceful world was a little closer.

_To bring back the fire in her eyes  
That’s been gone but it used to be mine  
Used to be mine_

But everything went downhill very quickly. As you were setting up a base in an old, abandoned castle, titans spotted you and attacked. It resulted in hard fighting which you partook in, as well. Hours later, almost all the titans had been slain and the few standing were to be taken out by the soldiers. You were supposed to take out a smaller one, not special in any way. 

But as you swung yourself from a tree, aiming for his neck, he suddenly turned around, completely destroying everyone’s perception of his abilities and grabbed the wires of your gear, flinging you toward the treeline of the surrounding woods. You crashed into a treetop, tumbling down until you finally collided with a branch that broke your fall. Exhausted and in pain, you felt yourself tumble from the tree and landed in a bush underneath it.

The footsteps of the titan – now recognized as an abnormal – came closer and closer but you couldn’t get up. Your vision kept blurring and whenever you tried to stand you found some branch or root holding you down. Tears gathered in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around your abdomen protectively. The baby was moving and you thanked whatever deity there may have been for that, relishing in the movements of the little life inside of you.

The titan was close now and you closed your eyes in fear. But he never grabbed you and weirdly enough never even got closer to you. You looked up when you heard a loud thump and found the titan lying on the ground, dead with none other than Levi standing on his head. 

He had saved you – not only you but your baby, too.

_She is messy but she’s kind  
She is lonely most of the time_

Once freed from the foliage and on your feet again, you found yourself being examined by Levi. He looked you over for a few seconds before his eyes locked on your abdomen. It had become increasingly harder to hide your pregnancy in the last weeks – how no one has found out yet was beyond you, really. 

Before you could assure him that the baby was alright, he placed his hands on the swell of your abdomen, stilling and closing his eyes. He remained still for a few moments before sighing softly.

“I can’t feel anything.” He whispered, sounding almost afraid. “Why can’t I feel anything?”

You were quick to calm him down. “It takes a while for someone else to feel the baby from the outside. You may need to wait a few more weeks for that. But I can assure you that I can still feel it moving around inside me, like it did for the last few weeks.”

“It’s alive?”

“Yes, it’s alive.” You whispered softly. 

Then he looked back up at you. “I’m so sorry for how I handled all of this, (Y/N). You truly didn’t deserve any of that. I ignored you, I distanced myself from you and I am so sorry that I did.”

“I’m not mad at you.” You smiled. “I was never mad at you, Levi. I gave you a choice to walk away from this pregnancy and you decided to take it.”

“I want to be part of the baby’s life.”

“What?”

He looked up at you, his expression completely sincere and nodded slowly. “I really want to be part of the baby’s life and I want to be a father.”

“Then why did you send me away? Why would you indicate that I should not have this child?” Confusion and irritation surged up in you. “You let me- I-”

“I was scared.” He confessed. “No, I wasn’t just scared, I was petrified. My mother had me despite our situation being so bad and now she’s dead.”

“But that wasn’t necessarily your fault.”

“I don’t want you to die and I don’t want anything to happen to that child, (Y/N).” He said sternly. “It took me a long time to think all of this through but I am fully prepared to be there for you, to raise this child and to be a father. Would you give me a chance to prove that to you?”

“I would.” You said softly, pressing a small kiss to his lips. “I always hoped you’d come back around.”

“Thank you.”

“A baby?” You heard Erwin exclaim. “How come I only learn of this now?”

When you turned you saw everyone staring at you. Erwin seemed surprised and slightly irritated. Hanji didn’t know if she should tell him that she had known for weeks. The kids seemed completely taken aback. Petra was smiling softly, happy for you two. She was the one that broke the silence.

“Congratulations.” She offered with a warm smile. 

“I would like to know what is going on and how long you have known.” Erwin said sternly, looking around and locking eyes with Hanji. “Why aren’t you more surprised?”

She shuffled her feet around, shrugging a little. “I kind of, sort of knew.”

“What?”

“(Y/N) told me!” She exclaimed. “But it was supposed to stay a secret until we could come up with a plan on what to do.”

Levi looked up at you in question. “What will you do?”

“Hanji and I have been trying to find my aunt so she can take care of the baby until we have reclaimed wall Maria and secured the resources inside. Then I’ll raise the baby. But I will always be here as a strategic help.”

Levi nodded and was quick to answer. “Good because I’m not letting you go on expeditions while you’re pregnant.”

“But I-”

“Not a chance. You’re carrying my baby, our baby, and this is way too dangerous.” Levi said sternly. “Promise me that you’ll stay safe. Be a strategic help, plan the expeditions, care for soldiers and recruits, but please don’t go outside the walls in this state. Think of the baby.”

He was right. You couldn’t endanger the child like that, so you nodded. “Promise.”

“Thank you.”

“The plan is to help us but not venture outside the wall, correct?” Erwin inquired. “And the child will live with you aunt once you found out where she lives.”

“Yes.” You nodded. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t told you, yet. You’re probably angry right now, right?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I’d like to congratulate you and thank you for staying with us despite expecting a child. But please do stay safe until we get back from this expedition. Although, I’m sure Levi will make sure that you and the child are safe.”

“You bet that I will.”

A smile tore your face. Everything would be alright.

_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie  
She is gone but she used to be mine_

You were no longer the woman you used to be before the breach of wall Maria.

But as you lay in the medical bay, holding your daughter in your arms as she slept soundly on your chest, so small and fragile, so dependent on you and so full of life, it didn’t matter. You weren’t who you used to be, you were a mother and a woman who had fought hard for her baby, endured the pains of birth, endured the fears of carrying a child in such a world. You had endured it all and you were still there.

You looked to your right where Levi was sitting on the bed next to you, not even sparing you a glance as he marvelled at the bundle in your arms, completely mesmerized as her tiny hand held his index finger. 

The two of you were parents now. And who you were had disappeared, it didn’t matter anymore because your daughter was there now. She was to keep safe, she was yours to raise and the two of you would do anything for her. You’d guard her with your life. A new life was lying in your arms, sleeping soundly, so innocent and pure as you two looked on in wonder and amazement.

When you felt Levi finally tearing his gaze from the little girl, you turned to face him, laughing with relief as you saw that you were not the only one shedding tears. And the look you shared was like a promise. She’d be safe and happy. You would both make sure of it. And as Levi whispered a quiet thanks to you, murmuring how much he loved the little girl already, you had to smile.

You were no longer who you used to be before the breach of wall Maria. You were so much more. You were a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I hope you liked it!  
> Leave a Kudos or Comment if you did and want to!
> 
> See you ^^
> 
> PS: My other works will, of course, be updated. Like I have another DBH one planned for my series and the Cats one will be updated soon!


End file.
